All my troubles

“Beatles. 12th album. Side Two. Track Six.”

I get the cryptic message as a text. I go to the computer and search out the clues. I find a song title.

There was no plain language.  There were never real words. There were just unspoken messages referenced through song titles and their lyrics. I used to find it fun – funny even. What kind of song would relay a mood? Later I understood that my friend could not articulate herself. She had developed a ‘secret’ language for us and stuck to it. I was to read into it, read between the lines she drew, and understand her.

It was a tough friendship. I tried to be, and was, supportive. I enjoyed the companionship, the attention, being needed. I felt in control. I thought we’d be friends a long time, regardless of where we were in life.  I found her different perspective refreshing; it made me feel alive in a new way.

friends

We were in very different places. We lived in different worlds. Our imagination fostered our friendship. But we meant something to one another.

Sometimes I find old emails, also cryptically written. They don’t say much. To someone else they would seem to be the same words on repeat, over and over. They could be the chorus of a song. Like nothing changed.

In a sense, nothing did change. That was the problem. Once we were comfortable in our roles, nothing changed. It got to be too predictable and frustrating. Then it got tiring. I was tired. I don’t know what she was. I stopped trying to decipher so much. I would get irritated, “Just tell me what you feel.”

So she did.

“Beatles. 12th album. Side Two. Track Six.”

Let it be.

We haven’t spoken since.

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10 thoughts on “All my troubles

  1. Tania,
    This was heartbreaking. And beautiful. If you would like to dig in your memories again (and music), let me know. We could collaborate for my 400RPM series.
    Le Clown

  2. Sadly beautiful, I agree that it is heartbreaking… I hope things have turned out well for both of you. Thank you for this. By the way, I really like blog, and love the idea of Attitude of Gratitude. It is inspiring me to do the same at the end of each day, to find a moment to think about the day which has just passed and expressed my gratitude for all the beautiful moments. Thank you 🙂

    • Hi Petaontherun,
      Thanks for your thoughts. Things have turned as they needed to — I’m not sure if this means that things are well. (At least not between us).
      It’s great you are also wanting to take a moment to show some gratitude for your day. I’m easily overwhelmed, so remembering the basics in a day is good for me.
      Be well!

  3. A relationship also has ups and downs, I guess this is normal.
    You need mutual interaction to cultivate friendship, if one side is out, let it be.
    Let it be, let it be, let it be….speaking words of wisdoms, let it be.

    • This is so true — mutual interaction is needed for a friendship to be fruitful. When one side has boundaries or issues, all you can do it walk the line, and let it be. There will be an answer.

      Thanks for your thoughts.

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