I can’t keep up.

My Facebook feed goes by faster than my highway reading speed.

I only get to Twitter once in a while. Usually I forget Twitter altogether. I find it again like a favorite pair of pants that I’m surprised still fit. I scroll through and find things to read and get distracted by tangents so I am never quite up to date. News breaks on Twitter, but I always seem to be a few days behind, filling in details to passing headlines I’ve seen.

It’s okay. My life is not social media. Klout has never kept me up at night.

I have a hard time reading every post in my WordPress reader. I’m glad it’s summer as the volume will slow a bit. I can read a post that leaves me inspired, feeling creative, and way over-estimating my abilities. Sure I’m funny, I say to myself. Listen to this… I will type out a few lines, a fragment that holds together like dry sand. I lack delivery, I diagnose my failing. I do wish I could write more. I’m lacking some of the necessities for this – time, space, content. My blog excites me, but leaves me frustrated that “publish” doesn’t go down like a comforter.

I am distracted by life. I’ve been flying solo parent airlines the last 10 days. This is my contribution to the triumvirate of life-altering professions including rocket science and brain surgery. We didn’t do any homework. The kids ate a lot more pasta than I would usually tolerate or encourage. But we did have some quality time together, we all got to school/work, and no one called the police out of desperation.

I have struggled with personality challenges at work. Some underlying tensions of the last few months finally came to a head. It was an unexpected explosion stemming perceived feelings of victimization. I have a hard time understanding people who won’t change, but will complain about it. Then again, I am one of those people. I have a hard time understanding people who won’t change and blame others for their personal lack of flexibility. The world does not have a black and white rulebook, no matter how hard we try to force this on others. Being a martyr is a circular road with no company.

With my co-worker leaving, a friendship that I had valued and appreciated for years was officially finished. It degraded months ago but when someone leaves for the last time without even saying goodbye, the message is still received across the silence.

I didn’t realize how stressed I’d been feeling until I woke up today. Today was the first day I woke up without grinding my teeth. Today was the first day I did not dread going to work.

That’s good progress.

How are y’all?


15 thoughts on “ramble

  1. Tania, you’re doing great! I’m hanging in there, too. I feel overwhelmed by everything social media usually. It’s now my “normal” feeling about it, so that it’s been easier to let it go if I have to. There’s no way to keep up with it all. I’m glad you’re feeling lighter about things at work, but sorry about your friend. I guess people and times change.

    • Hi Amy, it’s good to know I’m not the only one feeling overwhelmed by social media. Phewf!
      It’s so true that people and times change and I’m realizing that every day. I can only do so much and I can’t change someone else. I guess the friendship ran it’s course.

  2. Busy, busy, busy – holding out for a more loosely scheduled summer, I did not take into account swim lessons, play dates, vacations, visiting relatives, sewer floods, eyeball pain…and I decided to take a stand this week. What do I WANT to do? Here I am – reading and writing blog posts. Hope you find a moment or two to do what you WANT to do, not what you should or must do!

    • Michelle — I like this. It’s so true that summer comes with my grandeur ideas of no timelines and just sitting around while the kids entertaining themselves. But schedules and work continue so everything else continues (much like you — except without the sewer and eyeball pain). I like this idea of taking a break from the “should” and even “must” — what DO I want? Thanks for reading and writing.

  3. I feel and have felt a lot like that (except the work part – but we did have some of that a few years back and it was EXHAUSTING) – when I wake up with 50 emails of posts I feel daunted and by the time I read them I’m too exhausted to write my own and wonder even if I do – how exhausted everyone else must feel having to read it…But I am relieved that the volume has calmed down a bit now that it’s summer.

  4. Ugh. Teeth grinding. I always know I’m doing better when I don’t wake up with a sore jaw and/or headache from it. Sounds like you’ve had a challenging time lately, Tania. I struggle to keep up with the blogs and Facebook and Twitter and everything else too. It constantly causes me to fall behind in blog post writing. I’m sorry about your coworker, it’s always so weird when a friendship with a coworker falls apart, and you see them react badly to a situation, etc. Offices are such weird microcosms, aren’t they? Working at home now, I don’t miss all the office drama, etc, but I do miss the comraderie at times.

    But hey, at least your jaw got a break and you didn’t dread going to work. That’s such a HUGE relief, isn’t it??

    • Dear Sweet W,
      Thanks for stopping by. Your visit is like a great refresher in my day. All this social media can be a bit much. I wish I had space to write more, but it takes me a long time and that’s something I don’t have a lot of. And yes, strolling on Facebook also takes time, but less energy. I think the office friendship ran its course. Strange when the microcosm of the office shifts so dramatically, but I do feel relief from the shift. I’m much happier getting up for The Grind now. It’s definitely a HUGE relief, thanks.

    • Definitely staying put and somewhat chilled. It is summer after all — the only time of year when I can use chilled to describe my desirable state of being.
      Looking forward to hear what’s new on the blog!

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