This season of transition seems to take a long time. How am I supposed to know when I have turned the corner on change?
Today I got up and was in the pool early for my swim. It was a good swim; for a moment or two I actually felt like a swimmer. The strokes were smooth and effortless, my legs felt strong, and my breathing was strong and controlled. It was good to be in the water again.
The rest of the morning was somewhat rushed, but I’d planned my morning the night before (lunches for kids, clothes for work, blah, blah) and got out of the house reasonably well.
The rest of the day was chaos. Crazy and strange stories at work that left me feeling frustrated, angry, and questioning my sense of judgment about others, the people I see everyday. We only know what others tell us about themselves and sometimes their reality is surprisingly different. What people do in their personal lives can be eye-opening and give a different perspective to your opinion. I found out an employee in my building had been charged with a crime, but nothing has yet been proven.
Running tonight was hard. The workout was a lot of hills and my body felt defeated. I’ve been running much less lately — the weather’s not as nice, my sense of motivation is low, and I am now needing a break. But running less has caught up to me and I was cramping and not feeling well. I knew that everyone else ahead of me was also working hard and not feeling great. But somehow when you see people ahead of you you just assume they are having an easier time.
I know that not all days will be strong and easy. I knew today was going to be a struggle as we got out to do our warm-up. I still felt angry from the day and was having a hard time reconciling this in my head. Then to go and try to exert myself physically was just not the feeling I wanted.
I spent over an hour doing homework with my daughter, and now just want to go to crawl into bed. I am tired on my double-workout days, but usually I am also energized from the effort and feel content in my efforts. Today I feel angry, sad, twisted, and broken.
Tomorrow, tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day.
* Have you ever wanted to just give up and start your day again?
* Have you ever found out something about someone that made you see them in a whole new light?
(Photo credit: State Records NSW), (Photo credit: Wikipedia)