Today was one of those weird days. It’s been a busy week and the end of the week has everything catching up to me. Like the giant boulder in the cave that Indian Jones has to outrun in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” I feel fine, it’s sunny, but something’s coming. I can feel emotions surfacing.
Whenever things got worrisome for me I’d usually just text a friend. I would just text to say hi, they would start a conversation, and my focus would be distracted from how I was feeling. I would get away from facing myself. My feelings would be stuffed down and avoided.
Often I mistake this feeling for longing. I want to be comforted. I imagine this scenario and it plays out with the same effect as a needle being dragged and dropped off a record. It scrapes and falls flat, with that same funny noise where you know there will be an end and you wait for the sound to go up in intonation, like a punch line.
I am not missing a person, I am not longing for something else . It’s that I worry I will be okay to manage my feelings alone. I want to distract myself from the challenge of being with me.
The emotions may surface, but it’s okay. I can run with them. I can run over them. I don’t need to be distracted. I can punch this week in the face.
*Do you ever run over your emotions? How does that feel?