Gimme sympathy

Today was one of those weird days. It’s been a busy week and the end of the week has everything catching up to me. Like the giant boulder in the cave that Indian Jones has to outrun in “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” I feel fine, it’s sunny, but something’s coming. I can feel emotions surfacing. 

Whenever things got worrisome for me I’d usually just text a friend. I would just text to say hi, they would start a conversation, and my focus would be distracted from how I was feeling. I would get away from facing myself. My feelings would be stuffed down and avoided. 

Often I mistake this feeling for longing. I want to be comforted. I imagine this scenario and it plays out with the same effect as a needle being dragged and dropped off a record. It scrapes and falls flat, with that same funny noise where you know there will be an end and you wait for the sound to go up in intonation, like a punch line.

I am not missing a person, I am not longing for something else . It’s that I worry I will be okay to manage my feelings alone. I want to distract myself from the challenge of being with me.

The emotions may surface, but it’s okay. I can run with them. I can run over them. I don’t need to be distracted. I can punch this week in the face.

*Do you ever run over your emotions? How does that feel?


10 thoughts on “Gimme sympathy

    • Sounds like you have the bases covered in dealing with what comes up. Good for you! I think the more aware we are of what we are feeling, the less scary things are. They are just feelings that we have an attachment to. If we can let go of our story around them, we can also let them go. But, not always so easy…

  1. Always…I live in my head and running gets me out of it (sort of like this post and even though running sometimes makes me “think” I’m dealing with my emotions, especially difficult ones because I say it’s my moving meditation, that’s just rationalizing it (see there’s the brain again). Truly though, running gives clarity, it brings balance to the rest of the body so the mind can be stilled…

    • Thanks for your comments! I think running is great for dealing with some emotions. All I need is a good run to have a good cry. It’s a moving meditation of sorts, certainly. I think we get the physical distraction out of the way — our body is tired — and then we focus on what we are feeling.
      I also think it’s great for the simple means of motion. I think our bodies store a lot of our emotions within and getting your body in motion helps to release those muscles holding on. You may not always figure things out with your mind when you run, but allowing your body to let go often has the same results.

  2. I had the thought while running on the trail this morning that it is a type of active meditation. Having to focus so intently on the roots and rocks on the trail left no room for any other sort of thinking. The miles flew by and I felt so clear at the end. It’s very easy to let the mind take over when running on pavement, so this was a nice change.

    • I love it when you are so focussed on staying upright that the trail just flys by. It’s an amazing feeling to finish your run and just *feel* so good at the end of it.
      Love that you had this break, and were aware of it. Good for you having a change.

  3. I relate with the feeling of being afraid that you CAN handle it on your own. Sometimes, I get so familiar with some types of emotional dependence that the feeling of maybe not needing to do that is scarier than actually doing it! It’s funny! And yet, throughout each day my relationships to things and people shift and change, and I think I’m learning to watch that process with more curiosity and less attachment- but the attachment always lives somewhere in my psyche…it’s just a matter of calling it out when I see it 🙂 Also, yay running! My dog influences me to do it, and the heat of summer is making it a teensy bit more challenging..but it feels so good..and I want to do it more! 🙂

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