Jealousy is an emotion and typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values, particularly in reference to a human connection.
Ah, Jealousy! The idea that someone has what you don’t, that you are lacking in the qualities you see. So often jealousy is a chance to open up to what you are seeing and allow yourself to be that as well, but we shrink and hide and stuff our confidence down to another low. (Notice jealousy is typically ‘negative thoughts’?) It’s very easy to discredit ourselves and create stories to justify our feelings. We are not pretty enough to have a partner, are not pretty enough to keep a partner, don’t run fast enough to join a group, our skin is not perfect enough, we don’t live in a McMansion home to provide guests with extravagance…. Everyone has a good storybook of insecurities and reasons to follow. It keeps us safe in the shadows.
What does this person that we have targeted really have? Do we know how they feel, what their insecurities are? Does it matter? Perspective helps to understand that we are only as perfect as we
allow accept ourselves to be (and we are all perfect!) and that we project what we will not allow in ourselves onto another person. This person is simply a target for our insecurities. We have only convinced ourselves (yet again: success!) that we are not beautiful enough, thin enough or just “being” enough, but forgotten that we are also not any happier, fulfilled or content by striving for this. Will we allow ourselves a success if it does not look how we have projected it?
If we anticipate a loss and worry about it, chances are it will happen! We strategize on how to avoid a situation, yet all we are really focussing on is that situation. We try to control outcomes, circumstances and are creative in ways to keep anything from changing, focussing again on the situation. We mask ourselves in qualities we think will help mold results, without really thinking of what kind of result we want. Will making more money create a feeling of security and abundance in our life, or will we be spending more time making money and only become richer in material objects?
What do we want from these qualities we feel are lacking? Focussing on a feeling, rather than a quality or aspect or specific quantifiable result may help us realize what we are ultimately seeking. Maybe it’s not being thinner that we seek, but having more confidence; maybe it’s not having more money, but more abundance in our lives; maybe it’s not a bigger home but having more supportive friendships.
Don’t let yourself be fooled into thinking you don’t have something. Chances are, if you had exactly what you think you are jealous of, you wouldn’t want it anyway. As the saying goes, “be yourself, everyone else is taken.”
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt.