Nightswimming

I’m amazed at how challenging some things are for me, though I have my quirks. These quirks may not make sense, and perhaps my lack of flexibility about them make some situations more challenging for me.

I like to have respect from others. This is not that I feel respect is something you demand of people; I feel that if you treat a person with compassion and kindness and honor who they are, there is a level of respect created.

The problem I create for myself is that if I can honor who a person is, I can also appreciate that they may not be able to show me basic compassion or decency. As I attach expectations to my interactions, mostly based on the past relationship, this creates an imbalance. If a person is not comfortable with themselves, extending themselves beyond their basic survival comfort is just not possible.

The issue that gets me is I think we want so much to have things be a very certain way (our needs met, an appearance of success, relationship in our lives), that we will ourselves to see things that certain way. This determined perception may also unknowingly be disrespecting others.

If we were to admit that perhaps we have been disrespectful in our actions (or inactions), what else might we see? Would we see that perhaps our projection of happiness is just a mask hiding deeper fears? Or that we do not feel ourselves worthy of others and so compensate by rejecting them instead?

You can not change anyone but yourself. We can forgive ourselves for having expectations of another. Sometimes we simply need to plod along down unknown roads to allow a different result. It may not be comfortable, we may not have the respect we wished for, and it may all seem so unfamiliar. But we keep swimming. Just keep swimming.

The sea is full of space to explore. Don’t we actually want things to be different?

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