A new year. A poor start. Sickness. Going slower. Waiting, waiting, waiting. A pause that lead to a different perspective. Sunshine and cold, cold days. Longer days. More daylight. Feeling January days all week long. Running with joy and purpose. Playing for fun. Seeking out help. Back to work. Packing up the Christmas holiday puzzle. Steaming hot chocolate. Winter coats. Making weekends longer. More sleep. Planning ahead, but not too far. Taking it one day at a time, 31 days over.
Most days I write down five things I am grateful for, big or small, subtle or apparent. I archive and post the list monthly. This is January 2014.
that I found my old trail running shoes and they had their insoles in them — that I could swap out the insoles from the old shoes to my new shoes — that the tape I wrapped my foot in stayed and helped my weeping blister when I ran — that the kid is feeling better and actually moving past barely sipping juice and crying — the gluten-free pizza dough I found and used for my most delicious pizza.
that I had a lot of black tea for my first day back at work — that my husband is still home and could take the boy to the clinic again — that the (better) doctor at the clinic diagnosed tonsillitis instead of saying everything is normal because the strep test was negative — that antibiotics can work — that the boy is feeling better after taking medication.
that my husband was willing and patient enough to take the boy to the walk-in clinic again — that the dr on call was smart enough to recommend a specialist — that the specialist was at the ER when they showed up at the hospital — that the situation was dire, but not as dire as we’d been led to worry — that the boy was such a trooper about getting his IV and being admitted to hospital.
that my stay overnight in the hospital was better than I had anticipated — that the boy was feeling better — that the boy thought that the food was the best part of being in the hospital — that the second best thing was the bed that went up and down — that my husband took a shift and relieved me of living in the hospital.
that the boy came home — that I could still get out and run — that the air felt so fresh after breathing in hot and recirculated hospital air for too long — that I had already planned to stay home and let the kid recover tomorrow — that I knew Downton Abbey was being taped.
that I could stay home with the boy — that we had a relaxing day together — that he was feeling better — that I felt more relaxed — that things were eventually, slowly starting to get back to a semblance of routine.
that the boy went to school — that there were less people at work due to holidays and illness — coffee — driving home in a semblance of daylight – the fun I had at a strength / running workout.
splitting work/childcare with my husband to stay home with the boy — a shorter work day — being able to rant to my therapist about all I didn’t like about the holidays — being able to rant about people I don’t like — sleep.
that my husband’s work is flexible enough that he could stay home with the sick(er) boy — that I could come home and also stay home with the boy — that the boy is taking all the medication we give him — having leftovers for dinner — trusting my coach and following my training schedule.
that I was smart to take the afternoon off — the boy enjoying our change in routine — not being at work when I was feeling sick — that we all had a quiet evening at home — that my husband made me tea all evening.
that it a weekend so we could all be sick in peace — no soccer today to try and reschedule around — the no brainer decision to skip my long run — making soup — a hot bath.
that my daughter was feeling better — that I also decided to skip today’s run — that the monsoon weather made it easy to stay inside — that my coach told me to take it easy — the temporary relief of cough and cold medication.
that I could call in sick — drinking copious amount of lemon/maple syrup tea — that my appointment went quickly — appreciating the moments when life slows down a little — split pea soup.
managing to get up for an ungodly early appointment — going for a treat with the boy after the appointment — that his class gave a cheer when I returned the boy to school after being sick for almost 2 weeks — taking the day off — having a much needed nap.
that I have a day off this week to stay at home and be sick — that being sick is not that much different than exercising a lot: you are always sore and tired — my kind and thoughtful naturopath who helped us all feel better — realizing the concert we bought tickets for a few month’s ago is tonight — a last minute babysitter who said yes.
that when you get to work and are sick someone will right away tell you to go home — that I got dressed before 8 am — that I was back in my pajamas before 10am — the quiet of the house during the week — that my daughter had a ride to soccer practice.
that a change in routine will help you realize that you aren’t feeling as good as you thought — that drinking lemon/maple syrup tea never gets old — taking the time to make myself comfortable — that the end of the week meant we had nothing planned — an easy evening with tea and kids.
that my husband could organize the kids for soccer — that I had hours of time alone on a Saturday morning — that I rested instead of forcing myself to go and run — some good times with Netflix — that the kids can organize things for themselves.
getting up and going for an easy trail run — that I could walk up hills when I couldn’t stop coughing — that my daughter and husband organized her playdate — that my son suddenly got organized to go skating — going to yoga and realizing its benefits even if the class was not totally challenging.
that I got up and finished a whole day at work — that I am feeling better, even if I still sound terrible — that we made it to soccer practice even though we left the house late and traffic was terrible — that the kids feels so much better after exercise — that the boy had energy, and patience, and was so thoughtful and got to bed on time.
that I had delicious leftovers for my lunch – that just because something works one day doesn’t mean it’s an eternal solution — my parking spot close to work — the feeling of being productive — that my strength workout was hard, but manageable.
that when I woke up it was Wednesday and not Monday — a visit with my counsellor — that compassion and efficiency can be achieved without having to work “hard” & feel stressed — that I took the time to eat my lunch instead of watching every minute on the clock — sunshine.
spicy hot chocolate — running in daylight — that boost of confidence you get when something goes right — less rain — fresh sheets.
the fake energy you can muster when it’s the last day of the work week — a shorter work day — my son’s enthusiasm at his appointment — some quiet time alone for an hour — shopping with the boy because of his speed and efficiency.
getting to soccer practice on time — the way fog can simply envelope whatever is in its path — the time, patience, and positive mood I had during and after my run — feeling encouraged by my running — making time in the afternoon to nap.
that others show up for early morning runs — running in a group — feeling tired in a good way — the way yoga makes me feel both rejuvenated and spent — hot water in my bath — knowing that someone called Sunday “pre-Monday”
more hot and caffeinated beverages — noting that efficiency does not always mean working hard — that being late actually meant less traffic — good news at work — reflecting on finding new balance.
that a new newspaper arrives on our door each day without us having subscribed to it — that my daughter is self-driven and can get herself to bed — that my workout was short but focused and supported — the comfort of knowing someone else shares my perspective, especially when I feel like my perspective is irrational — the new subscribers to my blog when I don’t post for days.
that my day off went nothing like I expected it to — that I made it to the pharmacy to refill a prescription — that I find comfort in the mundane — that the thought of running in the rain looks worse when you are standing indoors — that my husband is healthy and things seem to be fine.
that my mom has finally accepted the joy and benefit of the wifi we installed a few years ago — allowing rather than forcing or making — that if you don’t get something the first time, life will pummel you over the head with it until you change your mind — the ability to change.
that feeling of relief to unlock the front door on a Friday night — going to bed early — hot water — showers — the timer on the oven.