Exercise misconstrued

If you read this blog even once you’d likely guess that I run. I have a lot of anxiety related to running so have started to see a counselor/sports psychologist to help me clean out some of the backlog in my head.

As we process and work through the way I think and some many of my anxieties, I see it’s not all running-related. I knew this: if I didn’t run the performance pressures, comparisons, judgements, and challenge of self-acceptance would show up somewhere else. What I didn’t realize is that it is EVERYWHERE else.  While some days I feel more relaxed, calm, open, mindful, and present in my running, I see how much *I* affect the rest of my life. I just don’t stop and it’s hard to dial down the way I am.

Anxiety - Stress ... Time management vital for...

Not as good as a fortune cookie.  (Photo credit: marsmet481)

It’s hard to live with (me) and I certainly can understand why people who feel this way would turn to alternate substances to change their state of mind. As a personal choice, I don’t drink. I did drink in my 20’s and honestly now believe this is the only way I got through that time in my life. I have a lot of running ahead of me to learn to deal with the way I’ve conditioned myself.

I also have some letting go and re-organizing to do. I just got back from a chat with my counselor and I see how much I have construed my reality. I see where I have missed positively constructing how I would like things to be, and instead pieced together my misinterpretations and fears. My core beliefs have tainted how I live today. Tonight, I will go gentle into that good night. Sometimes it’s okay to change.

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8 thoughts on “Exercise misconstrued

  1. Exercise or the state of one’s body serves as a corporeal metaphor for one’s life, at times. I find that if I’m starting to get injured a lot, that I’m out of balance in other areas of my life as well. It takes a lot of introspection to see the broader state of one’s life. And patience…

    • Exercise definitely serves as one way for me to make a mind-body connection. It was a bit of a step for me to recognize just how far this metaphor played in my life, as well as the fact that the common thread throughout was ME. It’s actually given me a bit of a break on the exercise facet of things… that I don’t have to be so hard on myself when focussed on just one aspect.

    • Hi Pandora,
      Congratulations on getting sober. :)
      It’s so true that accepting who/where we are is one of the most basic challenges. I think about running to my (new) self, rather than running away from it.
      I’m running to find who I am.
      Thanks for your thoughts.

  2. When I danced, I used to be really hard on myself, so much so that sometimes I couldn’t enjoy it. It’s a fine line between pushing and motivating, and in the end feeling overwhelmed. I always like yoga’s message: be what you can be today and do what your body can do today. I’ve missed you!

    • Hi Amy,
      Your point about the fine line between pushing and motivating is something I’ve been thinking about as well. It’s taking a situation and making it about positive motivation — using a situation to your benefit. Feeling overwhelmed leaves me feeling tired, especially physically. It’s hard to enjoy something where it’s more draining than rewarding. I also like yoga for it’s (apparent) simplicity and acceptance. And there is no finish line in yoga!

      I’ve missed you too! :)

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