My husband and I have kids, which makes him a Father. According to the calendar, a day of celebrating just such an off-shoot of having off-spring is coming up: Father’s Day.
Recently my email inbox collected a Groupon advertising just this occasion. It was a chance to “Celebrate your first Superhero” with many father-related gifts on discount. [Speaking of Superheros, my son has Dress-up-as-your-Favorite-Superhero day next week at school. When I asked if he was going to wear his Spider Man t-shirt, he looked at me like I had just became his mom that day. "I'm going to be Super Chicken!" I don't know what that means either.]
The Groupons offered great discounts. A discounted coupon can be a steal if you want that thing anyhow, but often I get sucked into buying something because it’s a good deal and maybe, some day I might need said item or service and then I will be saving money.
They offer what you don’t really need, but hope you can be convinced you do based on deep savings.
Here is what the Groupon listing offered: rounds of golf, an espresso maker, a collapsible beer cooler, rental of a pressure washer, a package tour for a fishing trip, online guitar lessons, and a HD-camera.
Here is what my husband doesn’t do: golf, drink coffee, drink copious amounts of beer, use a pressure washer, go fishing, play guitar.
Do these lists look at all alike? The only item that I could not completely strike off was the HD camera. But my husband is a keen photographer and at one point had no less than three cameras. For me to buy a camera is totally unnecessary and out of my league. I had problems with a point-and-shoot version and basically I am most successful with my iPhone camera. Even so, at a recent concert we were sitting in the nosebleed section of the seats and I took a photo of the stage with my flash on. Rookie mistake: I got a really good blow-out of the back of some lady’s head. There’s no WAY the light of the flash was reaching 50 ft away to light up the stage, but I didn’t know that.
One size does not fit most. Not even when it comes to pajama pants, or love, or neckties, or Groupons. You can’t say it’s Father’s Day and assume that all Dad wants to do is drive off into the sunset and catch fish. Thanks, Groupon, for your Hallmark sentiment. I’m sure for some of you this is a dream day, and if you go you may even catch a fish or two.
I think what my husband would hope for to celebrate Father’s Day are the same things he may dream about every day. He would wish for a good night’s sleep and a chance to sleep in, a peacefully quiet morning, a tasty breakfast that he doesn’t have to make himself, and a whole day to spend however he wants. Also, no answering demands from kids, no refereeing pointless tattling matches, and no debating and enforcing how much candy one wee person can eat in a day. He may also like to skip emptying out the compost, cleaning out the back of the fridge, taking out the garbage, hanging up backpacks, and emptying out the kitty litter.
My husband really is my better half — and if not completely better in all ways, he is sure super supportive and generous with his time and energy on my behalf. So dear, on your special day, leave the kitty litter to me. I can take this round for the team.
I love you.